Posts Tagged ‘self support’


Progress. Looking at the dictionary definition: Moving forward or onward in space or time, that’s progress. Develop towards something better, that’s progress.


So in this world ‘progress’ has been re-styled as an ideal connected up with science and technology. As such it is a desirable, because ‘better’ technology means, what? More effective weapons? More effective control? More effective entertainment systems? Means that we are ‘winning’ more effectively in our economic competition between ‘countries’? Means that we can travel faster? Means that we can look forward to having new things turning up in our consumer outlets? Means that we can do away with our old systems so as to buy upgrades? Is this what technology is for, to enhance and refresh and protect our consumer experience?


The development of the consumer society rests on encouraging the self interested ego in beings, encouraging desires to win, to look better, to buy things to sate their appetites, to be entertained, to be constantly distracted. While scarcity of money means a constant fear of survival and a constant need to reward oneself for the toils of work. Fear of a broader kind is fostered through false and biassed information from the media which is used to create a false reality bubble within which this consumer desire can flourish. Meanwhile the powers that be can go about furthering their ends without dissent. This means mostly raping and swindling other countries for their resources. It would be a stable system if it wasn’t for the rampant nature of greed and the finite quantity of physical resources.


The rampant nature of Greed. Why is this? What is ‘Greed’? It is like an extreme form of desire which is coupled up with competition and jealousy and the need to win, hence the desire to have more than others, and the acceptance of others to have less. It is a characteristic of ego as Self imprisoned into a systematic trap of self-interest. Rampant  ego in self interest as a lie, trapped forever in being a lie, an absolute denial of Self as Life.


Living in a world of deception we have a system founded on and sustained by lies, which educates beings into becoming  possessed as egos of self interest, who are encouraged to give away their power and self responsibility, who vote according to the demands and reactions of their own systems of self abuse so as to feed their cravings for energy and their addictions, while those who have the power pander to and exploit the desires of their subjects for the sake of more and more power to somehow make heaven on earth for themselves within the unreality of their minds. Demonocracy.



So practically, what can be done for actual democracy to become possible? Everybody has to know about the universal tools of Self Forgiveness and Self Correction, everybody has to see that Self Change and Self Realisation is possible. I have to utilize this internet technology so that it supports Life, mass-communicate the message of equality, share the process of Self Forgiveness and Self correction, these methods and tools of Actual Self Change so that it will reach as many people as possible, so that we can reach out beyond the boundaries of this mind control, give back to ourselves our power, our self responsibility, give back to ourselves our Self as Life. This is the task which has been taken on by Destonians.


Come and join us! Let’s make realisation of Equality go Viral, so that together we can bring in an Equal Money System and put a start to actual progress of humanity in which all are walking in the same direction, in which a world democracy is a constant first vote by living beings for World Equality and what is Best for All.



more information: www.desteni.co.za







I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a being that fosters and exploits the reactions of others as systems so as to get money, so as to win, so as to feel better about myself and for not realising how within this I am accepting and allowing myself to be totally possessed and exploited by my own system.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a being obsessed with winning and for not allowing myself to see that in doing this I am creating the circumstances in which I can win, such as competition, conflict and war.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in ‘technological progress’ as a thing in itself and for not allowing myself to realise that the only technological progress possible is how effectively it can support Life.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the system in which I live as demonic, and for not allowing myself to realise that the system which I describe is a direct reflection of the system of myself and how I am in my own consciousness.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as demonic and for being unwilling to face that the only demon is the energy of my mind attempting to simulate life while I am absent from who I am in abdication of my responsibility.


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I have a work in front of me now in cleaning up one of my essential tools which is the word ‘No’. This seems like a vast piece of work to do but I will not let that ‘vastness’ be a justification for not making a start.

A picture comes up in my mind of a huge ‘Yes’ written across the sky as the name of my energetic world of consent to everything.

Saying ‘No’ in a ‘Yes’ world is taboo. There are energetic safeguards to stop this happening, built in seductions of my resolve. My responsibility is now to undo the measures which I have put in for my own protection as the system. This complicity I have had within my relationship to and as myself as mind as an ongoing chain reaction of resigned consent, it has to stop with the word ‘No’.

Therefore I have to take out this word and look at how I have defined and lived it. In order to live ‘No’ as a simple expresion of what I will not accept, I have now to disconnect the energetic constructs which I have allowed to accumulate within it, me. Having connected fear to the word ‘No’ I am accepting and allowing self as mind as fear of fear when I act to avoid saying ‘No’, thus in saying ‘No’ to myself as consciousness, I am self sabotaging myself by affirming consciousness in giving reality to fear so that in effect in this situation ‘No’ doesn’t mean ‘No’ at all but ‘Yes’. My ‘No’ has been undermined, it is ineffective.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the state of this word ‘No’ in who and how I am as an excuse to falter in my resolve to change myself and be the change of self, instead of realising that this word has back doors built into it with my consent so that I can continue to be ineffective in ‘trying’ to change, continue to be a victim in my relationship to myself, continue to see self responsibility postponed till later.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write in a secret get-out clause within the word ‘No’ by accepting and allowing myself to connect fear with the word ‘No’.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that in accepting these conditions in myself I am also accepting them for and as others so that the consequence is a world in which the effect of the word ‘No’ has been neutralised.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that in saying ‘No’ to the systems in fear I am accepting myself as the system and within this have lost touch with myself as who I am so that the ground on which I stand seems to fall away beneath me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear this feeling of the ground falling away beneath my stand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within this as fear of fear and of fear of fear of fear and for not allowing myself to realise that within this vortex I am accepting and allowing mind possession within this starting point of my belief in fear.

When and as I say ‘No’, I say ‘No’ in the simplicity and clarity of myself as No, I do not accept this. I breathe. Every time I say No to myself as the system where once I would have allowed Yes, I am stronger in myself as Self as Life and with this No I take back bit by bit my power as Self as Life.

For more information on Self Forgiveness and word purification go to http://www.desteni.co.za

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Continuing to dismantle this ME-ality, this Mind Energetic Reality, which I have accepted and allowed as Here, Breath by Breath.

Waking up, opening up my eyes to face self has been for me a fearful process, a process in which I did not allow myself to see that this connection with fear was showing me a version of self which I had created within and as my mind.

What else has there ever been but this facing of self and avoidance of facing of self. And what of this creation of fear which I have accepted and allowed and then separated from as if it was the single enduring proof in my life that what I am here is this mind which exists separate to and less than this feature of my experience which I have called fear?

Writing this I remember how as a child I had repeated dreams in which I had ‘been chased’ into the dead end represented by the top of a building which had no rails around the edge so that it seemed and then was inevitable that I was drawn to and over the edge. Looking at this now it seems as if my dream reality was like a course in which I was practicing the reaction of fear, running away from something or falling off something. What I was establishing my faith in was running away from fear, or falling into fear, justifying these activities with pictures and stories. While in my body I was connecting over and over fear with this unpleasant sensation of a charge in my solar plexus. In the dream I seem to have been compiling the programme of fear of being unable to escape from fear, as fear of fear; and fear of having no control over fear, as fear of fear, or fear of being enslaved to fear as fear of fear.

Coming back to avoidance of facing self, in which statement fear is explicitly entwined with self, I am accepting and allowing fear of self. Opening up my eyes when I wake up in the morning I am facing self, if I do this as self in fear, then I am waking up not in the real world but in a mind projected reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in fear and for allowing myself to connect fear to fear so that I exist trapped within and as my beliefs as fear of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and escape from fear and for not allowing myself to realize that in doing this I am sabotaging myself within by accepting escape as real, then fear as real also.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having no control over fear and for not allowing myself to realize that in seeking to control fear I am acting in fear of fear and continuing to live in the world of the mind in which I have accepted fear as real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being enslaved by fear and for not allowing myself to realize that in fearing being enslaved by fear I am acting in fear of fear and thus creating the enslavement which I fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect this unpleasant sensation in my solar plexus to fear and for not allowing myself to realize that in fearing this sensation in my body I am acting in fear of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define reality according to my beliefs in the thoughts in my mind, and for not allowing myself to realize that if I am living in a reality defined by the thoughts in my mind then the reality in which I live is no different to a dream world.

Nightmares, myself as a series of the same nightmare. Myself as fear of fear.

Having a special word for these dreams seemed to confirm that they had some form of reality, that they existed having being given a special word. The special word was ‘nightmare’, a horse of the night. Accepting and allowing fear of and as myself I had no wish to enquire any further what and why it should be named as such. Better to leave that knowledge ‘unopened’ I must have thought, in fear, so as not to possibly re-experience the fear which was for me the inner essence of the word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a ‘nightmare’ could exist as separate from me because it had a special word for what it was.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘nightmare’ to fear and thus in fear of nightmares accepting and allowing myself as fear of fear.

I remember how I would ‘come’ to a ‘place’ in my sleep or in my transition out of ‘waking’ (lol) consciousness when I would recognize the signs of a ‘nightmare’ being about to ‘arrive’, and then it was ‘too late’. It would be as if I was strapped on to a conveyer belt so that it was inevitable that I would go into this experience which I had defined as a nightmare.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that ‘there is nothing I can do’, and that ‘I cannot move myself’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the victim of my own experience in which I had abandoned and suppressed my own responsibility as myself within the experience of my mind.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that the ‘inevitability’ of the coming nightmare was me experiencing myself as my mind as fear of fear. Because the dreams which I remember were all ‘repeater’, ‘re-occurring’ dreams, ‘nightmares’, they were actually re-occurring memories of dreams.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as less than my memories in which I had accepted and allowed myself to be a victim to these memories, in which I accepted and allowed these memories as real instead of realizing and understanding that these were pictures, thoughts within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to programme myself within reacting over and over again to a memory, a story which I am telling myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in a story which I am telling myself in which I define myself as fear of fear.

For more information about this process go to: www.desteni.co.za

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Walking along, I come across a neighbour, we lean against a wall, looking out across the world, I fall into conversation. That is, I fall immediately and absolutely in a single moment into and as regurgitation and spewage of thought stuff. Just what the fuck am I representing here I ask myself as if from a distance. It starts off with a ‘How are you doing?’ then really quickly from reflex to reflex and layer by layer I am laying down sentences, weaving myself deeper and deeper into this web of deception and lies. Oh yes ‘but this is just a casual conversation’ comes up the justifying end of the back chat, as if it’s ok to take a little break from life, after all it’s just a passing courtesy, no consequence, minor significance. I look out sideways towards my destination and a little picture of a clock in my mind. Believing that I have trapped myself, I want to get away, to return to my self deception in which I kid myself that I have broken free. But no, already I have accepted myself as trapped and already I have accepted this definition of the event as a passing thing, cemented into a history between a future and a past. I do not notice that this is a meeting between two worlds, a meeting infinite with possibility of realisation and sharing of self here. Instead there is the picture beyond the wall we lean against, like a museum display of symbols from which to pick up something off the rack, turn it over, use it as an observation or a comment, as a gap-filler for the vacuum I have created in this fear which I have accepted where I do not share myself.

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Previous post: what I have been describing is me showing myself through observations of others how it is that I stop myself from changing in order to hang on to myself as I know myself to be, as this tried and tested system of self dishonesty for survival.

I have been seeing and experiencing this cut off point in communication as if in another person rather than allowing myself to see what I am in fact doing myself so that I can protect myself from seeing in what way I am hiding from myself and continue to be preserving the secret of myself so that I can experience myself staying safe within not changing.

In every moment of faith in my own safety within remaining who I am as this tried and tested me which I revert into when challenged as a stand I am re-creating fear in which I am make-believing that I am in danger of being cornered or else being up against a wall. The strength that I experience in this denial is my decision to remain in safety and to continue to create the fear.

At the communications cut-off point, there is a failure of trust; that I will remain. There is a realisation here which I do not want to see, which is of myself as a bubble. That what I am defending as myself is nothing more than an idea of who I am. I realise now that to be in fear of this is what feeds it, makes it real.

To walk through this one, to be one and equal with it I have to face this self idea, see what it is, face the secret which I have hidden from myself which only can be done remaining in awareness of self as breath here. To not allow this communication cut off with myself. This failure of self trust is the same as allowing myself to be swept off again into the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect secrecy to power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in secrecy connected to power as a principle of preserving myself as the illusion I have accepted myself to be.

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The Three Bla’s. Walking through my Bullshit.

About the practical stopping of me as this voice of self as this consciousness system, this personality suit which I have designed and created and allowed myself to be for all these years. It’s not a question of where am I to put this old garment? Or even a question of where’s the zip? Because I am as the garment, I am as the zip, how can I take it ‘off’ without just remodelling self from the same belief in separation, that I am starting in defining self as separate from myself? I would just be stepping out of a personality as another personality, one that was defined as opposite, according to a shift of preferences. Just an illusion created of the stopping of self as personality.

There I go again, Bla bla bla. The three Bla’s, as it. Well this is it, let’s just breathe and have a look around. There is a need to focus on the bullshit, but not too tightly straight away, just enough to see and realise that there is loads of it. And then on top of it, a layer of judgement. Obvious that it’s not going to practically change anything if I continue to beat myself up about who I am, what I have allowed myself to become, because this self-beating-up is also who I am. And the option of silence in hiding myself away from myself as this judgement of myself as this bullshit is not going to change anything either. There is only one option, which is self support, which demands actual change. So taking this into consideration as I walk around, let’s take a look at the three bla’s.

Bla must be short for blab I guess, and a blab must be an item of blabber. I notice this moment in the process of self write-out in which I am sort of ‘savouring’ (judging as with food) the voice of a sentence, a completed set of words which represent a thought, and the thought seems to have  a voice. And I ask myself if I can ride this voice, go along with this voice, and whether or not this voice has far to go, like how much juice is there in this thought? Will this voice carry me along, unfolding it’s wares as it goes? So that then I can appear to have lots of thoughts, and then be more well-endowed as thought. But also what I am asking myself is, can I trust this voice as me, is this a voice that I can stand beside as me? And the answer is always no, I am not this voice as the personality of this thought, I am me.

So what then? Judgement and shut-down? No. Not acceptable, enough of that. So then, what?

So as me I am going to put these words together, piece by piece, bullshit or not bullshit, that will become clear, and when it does, then I will be able to correct it. Like in this example of it in which I have allowed a belief that I might rather than walk, be able to hop a train of inspiration, initiated by some magic formula represented by a sentence of words.

Within this belief, another belief, in ‘inspiration’, and behind all this, the tempting wonders of the consciousness system in which there is no self responsibility, just an endless ride into unreality as self as thought as blabber.

So that would be me offering myself the option out of this personality suit of self-judged silence and back-chat and  into the personality suit of it’s opposite, a separated tirade of blabber, somehow sanctified (raised beyond judgement) by ‘god’ within ‘inspiration’.

So I walk. Step by step through my bullshit is the only way.

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