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Posts Tagged ‘murder’

Today another dream, the same one really. Again I show myself this same scenario, that I am on the run from a darkness which I have created in my self. Within this darkness a belief: that there is the evidence of my murder of someone in the past, someone I dare not to remember. It is a secret which will not stay down. I am possessed by a horror that it will rise and rise again, and that I will continue to allow myself to murder again and again to keep it down. It is the secret that must be realised, the truth will out, and I am the truth of myself and I am this fear of who I am as fear, as fear of fear from which I know I cannot keep on running. Meanwhile murders spring up in the world of physical reality, as I run headlong into manifested consequence and war. This War against Humans, this War against Self, this War against Life.
Facing this war against self, that would not die, this self which was a face, a face I allowed myself to hate, a face which came to represent to me the witness of my hate. In the dream I cannot stop and look upon what I have done, but kill and kill and kill this face which will not close it’s eyes, which will not die.
Is this the profile of the ego which I have created, this line drawn by the limit which I have set on self forgiveness? This till-here-no-further declaration of the shadow?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put a limit on self forgiveness.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see where I have put a limit on self forgiveness.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see how I have defined myself as a core of unforgivability by setting limits on self forgiveness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that within myself there is a secret which cannot be exposed because it cannot be forgiven.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the truth of who I am to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of my own fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as hate.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate the witness of my hate.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate myself as hate.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will die if my secret self as mind was to be exposed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this belief as a justification for the principle of killing rather than being exposed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe protection of my secret mind to be among my vital interests.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this belief as a justification for going to war against humans.

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