Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Is Fear really Scary?

How to rate the opportunity to exist? I have no vocabulary for that.
Enough to say that it is really really really times infinity important!

What I know about Life is that Life demands to Live. Who am I in that? And who am I towards the Desteni methods of access to Living Self in fact in Physical Reality?

Lol. I had to drag myself to this table and to this blank piece of paper! Lol, that’s not Life at all, that is mind system stuff, it’s fear.

It’s interesting how I made a picture of this moment in my mind, from a distance, walking along towards the house, this moment of actually taking up the pen, like the climax to an Honouring of Self movie, with me of course as the star. But as I came in and approached the table in physical reality, I was swerving away from it, finding distractions, and listening to the ‘you can always do it later’ chorus in my head. What is there to fear in this situation but the reality of who I am towards myself?

Escaping from Reality can no longer work if I am reality, though I keep on trying it, swerving into a book or an energy hit or a film, or a sleep, but it feels like shit, and I am constantly aware that I am kidding myself, and I fear that I will kid myself from moment to moment to death, and lose this opportunity, of my existence.

So enough of that, I am here now and it’s ok I am stable.

Can it really be so hard to write down self honestly who I am existing as in the world today? What is there to stop me. Fear I suppose. Fear always stops me from doing things.

Now that’s quite a statement. “Fear always stops me from doing things.” When I look at it I realize that fear doesn’t actually ‘do’ anything at all, it’s a kind of static experience inside me. I can see here me giving responsibility to fear for my actions. I am actually using this fear stuff as an excuse for me to stop what I am doing, to give up on my efforts. It’s like before I give this ‘fear’ the power to stop me, I have to refresh it with the belief that fear is really scary! I am paying homage to my fear of fear, and making myself smaller than my own beliefs. It’s easy to say, and I realize that saying this doesn’t absolve me from the effects of all the specific connections and bonds that I have forged between fear and the words that I have lived.

The open FaceBook group, Redefining Fear, has been greatly supportive to me in showing me how many many fears we humans have in common, and how exposure of them from our secret lives has weakened their power. Over and over I read another fear exposed which I have harboured within myself, and I do Self Forgiveness on it, and over and over I have revisited this tired experience of fear in my body and it becomes less scary, less charged, more like a sensation, more like an endodermic reaction. I guess this is the redefinition that the group is after.

Have a look:  REDEFINING FEAR  http://www.facebook.com/groups/262356100513025/





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In a moment my head turns smoothly as if dragged by the swivelling of my eyes, towards a window, towards a patch of sky, and I realize that I am looking for a reference to this belief in the existence of a door into another world. There are still the remnants of that illusion in my system. There is no way out of here, no way out of the totality of this projection which is me. Checking for a ‘ray’ of hope in the world is an activity of ego worship, in which I am promoting the continuation of the reign of consciousness. I have slipped into the same illusion that attempts to make real the arrival of God into physical reality such as ‘doomsday’ and ‘2012’ so that proof that God exists has been established here, and I am ‘right’…All in the absence of a single breath.

And here I see a point; I ask from what is it that I turn away? Is there really an ‘away’ to turn towards that is not another image in my mind? A fear has slipped up inside me and I have accepted it, allowed myself to exist as it, and to exist as less than it and I have turned away, and I realize that I have also accepted anger at myself, and I realize that this is how I treat myself when I am angry at me for being who I am; I ignore myself, I look away from the things which I have made, I avoid the face to face, I go all quiet, I keep the judgements which I have made racked up on a high shelf where I do not have to see them. I change the subject, I go off into distraction , into the sky and the clouds, and there I make-believe a ‘ray’ of hope.


It’s quite funny, I have to laugh at myself; I had a what the fuck sort of moment, in which I was going, ‘How Come, You don’t want to hear what’s going On?’, as a general world address, in my mind, about the simple message of Desteni and the solution of Equality. So it seems I turned it back on myself with an answer.


There are some really great new books out at Eqafe.com, have a look.

Also World/Self/Solutions: desteni.org, and equalmoney.org

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