Posts Tagged ‘family’

My Family

It is inevitable that in unraveling my own accepted knots and restrictions that I should come to this issue of family. Or in a way that this issue should come to me in the form of an obstruction, a realization of the difficulty of being part of and participating in and with a real group of beings as equal as me as life is the same difficulty that I accepted as a justification, excuse for not allowing myself to be myself within my starting point in this world as an ‘aspect’ of my family.


In seeing my family as a sort of lost tribe, a culture from which and through which I came into the world, I am looking at the facets of it’s religion, it’s mythology, it’s laws, it’s politics, it’s traditions, it’s boundaries, it’s morality, it’s geography, it’s history, this list of abstract properties goes on and on. Of course, it would, it is a unit of a fractal. The microcosm of human culture, it is an institution that defies the reality of Life as One as Equal, promoting instead of Life, a succession of personalities of self-interest.


In leaving out the actual person-names of family members from this blog I realise that I am supporting issues of ‘privacy’ ‘secrecy’ and ‘respect’ and ‘not causing offence’. It is these issues as points that have I have accepted as parts of self that are some of the relevant points of this personality rather than the characters involved.


‘My Family’


The combination of these two words as I write them brings up immediately to the surface the core of my accepted pattern of relationship to the world. Experiencing for example fear in group situations, or rivalry with peers, subdued anger towards groups, distrust of one and all, and most of all, and only, Self. Hearing in the words of others my own back chat in the form of subtext, the echoes of this internalized family system. Gossip dialogues in the form of pro and anti; I realize now how much I have been accepting in my mind the pro aspects of this dialogue as if they are me in support of me rather than in support of a system which validates the negatives of self judgement.


I have been in the process of realising this for some recent weeks and seeing now that much of my resistance has been because of the power I have given to it. Thus in the allowance of this, noticing the shadowy presence of this family construct, I have been in fear of it and resisting it’s apparent magnetic pull on me to drag me back into it as the past, where I could not deal with it, or even see it clearly, rather than allowing myself to bring it here to me so that I can walk with myself as it equally and actually examine the components of it, so that I may change who I am as this pattern this family relationship which I have also unconsciously applied to others as perceived groups in the world, and to myself as the personality which I have put together as a possible means of walking through this reality, as shaped by my agreement/contract with it.


In talking about ‘my family’ here, I am not talking about other people but about who I have allowed myself to define myself as in the context of coming into this world amongst a group of others as siblings and parent figures into a political environment that was already established and towards which I styled myself according to my reactions to it. Yes ‘figures’, active figurations that I have energized in my mind.


These actual living beings have in time became obscured beneath the symbols that I superimposed onto them. They became the principle points of an abstract shape that all at once seemed to impulse into the centre a consensual definition of who I was. This meant that the principles remained to be applied in all the group situations of my life, distorting the reality of the situation, and creating unconsciously situations that were unsupportive to Self and others as I came from a starting point of who I was according to these principles which I had established in the family of how to be towards the world of humans.


Since taking into my life the reality principle of All as One as Equal and exploring for myself the Destonian research materials and the participations of other Destonians, I have found people in my local surroundings, including family members to be taking a stand of muted opposition and embarrassment about what I am doing. “Oh yes.” Said somebody to me the other day, “That would be Adam’s World.” This seeming outright rejection of my perspective on some event left me completely stunned. First of all I read into it a subtext of gossip, that what I was hearing was the opinion of a ‘group’, that’s where the family construct popped up. And yet this muted opposition that I perceive in others is part of my own design. I went into the reaction of ‘being stunned’. That is I allowed myself as this personality to shut down all expression, to stop breathing, to go into this belief in myself as a personality that will protect me by withdrawing. So there is this sense of being stranded within and as this old reaction as my relationship to family as the world.


Bringing this experience and how I am within it back to me today I can see how I sabotage myself over and over and completely lose all stability within the continued functioning of the family construct as a combined impulse in which I fall and regress into the past as this reaction to myself as this definition of who and how I am in this world amongst ‘others’ and what it is that I am accepting as my relationship to myself.


What I see now in ‘being stunned’ is the shock of exposure in betrayal, that I am shocked to discover that I have completely misread a situation. Here is a root fear of being ‘wrong’. I have separated myself from trust by putting it on another. And I have chosen the ‘wrong ‘ other to separate this self trust in to, and discover in a shockwave of fear that my personality as a system has not been respected, that it has been exposed for some time to a consensual judgement within the secrecy of the gossip of an imaginary group.


Extending my allowance of this self as mind-system personality onto others as ‘respect’ is how I am protecting my cover as a system. Needing ‘cover’ would imply shame. In this agreement of ‘respect’ for others as separation, as secret (private) mind systems there is also an expectation of a systematic ‘equalization’  that if not applied will cause offence and ‘justify’ revenge in some form of spite.


In allowing myself to fear this spite, I am also allowing myself to fear causing offence which would give rise to it as a reaction to my having flaunted the unwritten laws of system-equality which have been disguised so thoroughly within the accepted meaning of ‘respect’. It’s not that the word ‘respect’ needs to be redefined but the focus/object of it as this programmed illusion of Self as personality needs to be moved over onto a Self that is real. There is an entirely different world between respect for you and me as mind-systems and respect for real living Self.


Learning what is actually Self Respect is for me the key to real participation in the Group which is Life.




More to come


Consider this 1 fact:

The common sense practical implementation of Equality of all Life as Best for All has never been seriously considered in the entire history of humanity.

How much more proof do we need that we have been brainwashed? And if that’s not brainwashed, what is it? Stupidity?

Either way it’s time to change our approach to life on earth.


Find out how Change of Self = Change of World

And what is going on at desteni.co.za  And join with us.



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