Listening to Sunette using a sentence that contained both ‘self-direction’, and ‘walking discipline’, ( This is the video: 2012: How and Why we ALWAYS Miss the OBVIOUS ) I suddenly was in an experience of fear, going roughly, Oh no, not walking discipline! Arg!
So come on Adam, who have I been trying to kid round here, believing that I might just maybe be able to direct myself and keep this nasty little word discipline tucked away somewhere, maybe somehow get by without having to look at it! Nooo!
This is a really cool point for me because I find that the issue of discipline is like a corner stone of the structure of this personality which I have for so long accepted as me. I have been attempting to direct myself (going like why is this so hard? lol) while at the same time avoiding the word ‘discipline’ because of all the negative emotional charges that I have connected to it. Is there a difference between directing myself and walking discipline?
When I have a look at the word discipline as I have defined it according to my experiences of hearing the word I see how I have connected it to fear. A picture comes up of drill practice at school as an army cadet in which one follows orders, moves exactly as others, in uniforms exactly as others, all timed footfalls exactly as others, as a machine. Kind of fun in itself, but I reacted badly to it. I didn’t like all the endless preparations of boot polishing and brass cleaning, and the fact that it was ok for a teacher dressed up in the uniform of an officer to be as offensive and sadistic as possible. So I became opposed to discipline as acceptance of authority, as loss of individuality.
So accumulating around this word discipline I had already beliefs that discipline meant obeying the commands of authority, meant constriction, deprivation of freedom, and loss of individuality.
So as a reaction I elected to live a life not disciplined, casual, wild, free, tolerant, etc. All the opposite qualities of what the system was attempting to imbue.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am free within consenting to my own possession by impulses and desires.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see that in fearing self-discipline as ‘constriction’ I am obviously protecting myself as this possession of impulse and desire as personality and sabotaging the possibility of me taking responsibility for who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self-discipline and for not allowing myself to realize how I have designed my personality as me, my life, according to a reaction to manipulation and control by others and for not realizing that in fearing self discipline I have been in effect safe guarding the continuation of this belief in myself as this personality and have therefore positioned myself in defense against myself so that I may not direct myself or be able to walk this point of discipline.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize how I can in fact enjoy direction of myself, how I can in fact have direction in my life and be direction and live direction as an expression of who I am.
NEW from EQAFE!
Here is a really clear introduction to the energy system in the human body: