Previous post: what I have been describing is me showing myself through observations of others how it is that I stop myself from changing in order to hang on to myself as I know myself to be, as this tried and tested system of self dishonesty for survival.
I have been seeing and experiencing this cut off point in communication as if in another person rather than allowing myself to see what I am in fact doing myself so that I can protect myself from seeing in what way I am hiding from myself and continue to be preserving the secret of myself so that I can experience myself staying safe within not changing.
In every moment of faith in my own safety within remaining who I am as this tried and tested me which I revert into when challenged as a stand I am re-creating fear in which I am make-believing that I am in danger of being cornered or else being up against a wall. The strength that I experience in this denial is my decision to remain in safety and to continue to create the fear.
At the communications cut-off point, there is a failure of trust; that I will remain. There is a realisation here which I do not want to see, which is of myself as a bubble. That what I am defending as myself is nothing more than an idea of who I am. I realise now that to be in fear of this is what feeds it, makes it real.
To walk through this one, to be one and equal with it I have to face this self idea, see what it is, face the secret which I have hidden from myself which only can be done remaining in awareness of self as breath here. To not allow this communication cut off with myself. This failure of self trust is the same as allowing myself to be swept off again into the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect secrecy to power.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in secrecy connected to power as a principle of preserving myself as the illusion I have accepted myself to be.